Sammi<3 (image_crisis) wrote,

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I died in my dreams whats that supposed to mean?

Hey, long time no write I presume? I'm not sure when my last update was and frankly I dont care. I despise America, men and their standards of beauty I know It's retarded cause according to few (very few) "[I'm] so pretty and perfect the way [I] am" but eh the one who said that was a backstabbing bitch and now I am "fat,ugly,all[I] wear is [my] ugly pink jacket that doesnt fit[me] and [I] run funny" fuck you bitch who doesnt know me or have the balls to say it to my ugly fat face fuck you all. rawr. ok anyways I got way off topic... Im pissed because nothing at Heavy red, lip service, retail slut and every other normal sized clothing stores anywhere. But when I find clothes that fit my lardy self their hideous and not anything I want to wear at all. If I could I swear I'd wear vinyl all the time Before the day I die I will go to durfee in a pink vinyl catsuit with a black fishnet thong over that. Of course I will weigh 110 and I'll put everyone to shame. Youll fucking want me marley (muhahaha) because you cant want me now because I'm not pretty enough you fucking shallow fuck.
On another note...
Auditions for competitions (dtc) are coming up soon. No one thinks I can get a part because it's really hard to get in and I'm not good enough. No one has seen me really act ok? No one has seen what I can do when I'm not a nervous wreck like I was when I auditioned which was due to the fact that I was afraid of the B's. I could have done a better job then Shenay ok? I swear it. Mrs O'Shaughnesy (spelling?) would know. I need this particular part of this girl who gets pregnant and contemplates suicide because I could do it better then anyone in there because I know how that feels I wouldnt have to write a fucking character biography because I've been there a place that Amy Thurston was not but watch her get the part. your right. I dont stand a chance. I hope your happy.
I used to censor what I said in here but fuck it if you dont want to hear me then fuck off.
my dad is a drunk.
my family is so fucked up and i dont want to stay in this house any longer
at least I have a dad right? whatever It still hurts as much because It's not like hes ever around (physically and mentally) and when he is hes too busy to hear me out.
my mom is judgmental.
she hides my fucking pills so i cant find them and kill myself. I know where they are dumb ass! suicide is stupid but it will always be on my mind and in my heart because im a big fat hypocrite contradicting liar, who runs funny and is of no good in the dtc.
I need a boyfriend. I need an escape. I need to be held.I need to be beautiful.
but i blow too much to get anything becuase of fucking America.
I'm going to see the dresden dolls feb 5 bitch! and i have dsl
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