its cold and im lonely no one is online. i want to fall asleep but i dont want to sleep in my bed tonight. i cant sleep alone anymore. but if i sleep in my dads room ill feel sick and like a lil girl because i used to sleep there with my mom a long time ago. before beauty mattered. before anything mattered. im just stressed because my life is an alarm thats about to go off basically not enough time to fix anything anymore because i dont know how. im not waiting for anyone to fix it either, because thats what you all think , that and that im an attention whore well im not i just want to talk to somebody ok? thats all i wanted. i used to love dave sleeping over he held me and it was so cute. he cradled me in his arms like i was this perfect fragile doll. I miss that feeling. i cant sleep alone anymore. but i have to. my room disgusts me. i shall clean it tomorow. i want to paint it but theres too many holes and i want my dad to plug them up but theres too many bars for him to go to, too many beers for his hands. so why bother with me. ill try to do that myself i guess. i want to buy a bus ticket to kentucky with sarah and never come back and get all my tatoos and piercings and be in a band and a writer. i know it wont change anything. the locations dont change how i feel. only i can do so. so why am i stuck feeling like this. i know the answer to that im bipolar, with no selfesteem cuz of my weight (and americas thoughts against it),all alone with no boyfriend/girlfriend, no one to help me start a serious life-long band to make me feel important etc whatever i have more then others have and im selfish but i dont care anymore. if u havent noticed. which makes me an even bigger bitch right? its all a big cycle. life is isnt it though?